Does familiarity breed contempt?

While contempt seems to be a very strong word, on initial scrutiny of this saying it does seem to hold some truth.  Consider the new employee, the new student, the new neighbor, the new bride.  After the honeymoon phase of belonging to a new group there does seem to be a time of disenchantment.  The idealization that occurs initially is replaced by reality, which can be disappointing.  This would account for Tuckman’s second stage of group development, storming.  The individual members and the group as a whole are dealing with the paradoxes Smith and Berg describe in their book about group life.  Individuals begin to deal with others’ idiosyncrasies and the paradoxes of belonging.  Learning to accept another’s identity and individuality while at the same time feeling as if your identity and individuality are respected can be a stressful.  It is during this storming phase that issues regarding involvement and boundaries must be addressed.  I believe that unsuccessful assimilation of these paradoxes into group life can in fact lead to contempt.  If one person does not feel recognized for their involvement or if an individual does not feel their boundaries are being respected their excitement of forming can become contempt for others in the group.  A balance must be achieved in which both the individual and the group maintain identity, individuality, involvement and boundaries.  Once these paradoxes of belonging are identified then they can be appreciated by all and norming can occur.  The sense of commitment between members and to the group dispels the harshness of reality allowing equilibrium.  Once these process dimensions of group life are addressed than actual performing can take place.  The self-oriented behaviors of initial group development that led to the feelings of dislike will give way to more productive task dimensions.  It is not the familiarity then that breeds contempt it is the exact opposite.  Not becoming familiar enough with the paradoxical struggles, the unsuccessful self-reflection by the group and individuals, that breeds contempt.