If you drop a frog in a pot of
boiling water, it will of course frantically try to clamber out. But if you
place it gently in a pot of tepid water and turn the heat on low, it will float
there quite placidly. As the water gradually heats up, the frog will sink into
a tranquil stupor, exactly like one of us in a hot bath, and before long, with
a smile on its face, it will unresistingly allow itself to be boiled to death.
I like this metaphor. I do
believe that it is common for people to tolerate subtle changes, even if those
ever so delicate alterations culminate into an unendurable outcome. The majority of people, and frogs, are not
masochistic. I believe the “boiled frog syndrome” stems from Model 1
behaviors. One of the core values of the
Unilateral Control Model is suppressing negative feelings. Undoubtedly, the frog would have espoused to
a different theory of behavior than allowing himself to be boiled alive. Yet his theory-in-use allowed just that! Perhaps his desire to suppress negative
feelings overruled his good sense. We
are like the frog when we refuse to raise our concerns because we do not want
to hurt someone’s feelings or prolong the decision process. We prefer to remain politically correct at
all times, never sharing our frustrations.
We fear appearing undiplomatic or offending. The paradoxical reality is that by subduing
our “undiscussable” emotions we can endanger the health of the group, the task,
and ourselves. Maybe if the frog had
been able to practice Mutual Learning Model strategies he would still be alive. Had he been comfortable enough to test
assumptions and inferences, share all relevant information, combine advocacy
and inquiry and discuss undiscussables he may have discovered the temperature
of the water before it was too late! Curiosity
could have motivated him to seek information that he obviously was
missing. Compassion would have prevented
him from generating defensiveness.
Curiosity and compassion are key principles associated with the Mutual
Learning Model. We all can learn a lesson from the frog. The main take away is to practice the
principles of the Mutual Learning Model and embrace differences as the
opportunities of learning that they are.
